On Saying ‘Fuck Diabetes’

Here is something I am going to say right now that I will probably never (at least this candidly) say again on my blog:

Fuck diabetes. 

Seriously, fuck it. Fuck the highs and the lows and the needles and the blood. Fuck it’s cureless-ness. Fuck the statistics that I will die 13 years earlier than I would without it. Fuck expensive medical bills. Fuck the emotional toll it takes. F u c k   i t.

I mean, we’re all thinking it, at least sometimes. Somewhere in my gut, I’d say I’m thinking it always. But I don’t go around talking about it, or blogging about it, or even focusing on that in my daily life. In my own experience, it doesn’t get me anywhere. It doesn’t move me forward, it doesn’t inspire me, it doesn’t get me to the next moment, the next day, of doing what I need to do. It doesn’t get me living my life the way I want to be. The negativity is of no service to me.

Saying “fuck diabetes” doesn’t change the demands and realities of the disease. It isn’t a statistics class you can blow off to go to the beach instead. The mindset of “fuck diabetes” is harmful, because the cold truth is that you can’t fuck diabetes without fucking your health, and ultimately, your life.

These Empathy Cards have been all over the internet, and although they were created with cancer in mind, I think a lot of them are universal to the struggles of all illnesses. This one strikes me as very important:

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I’m not trying to pretend like I’m all rainbows and sunshine and Live. Laugh. Love., but I do find that most of the time I feel a lot better when I focus on the hope rather than the despair. As a diabetes blogger–as part of a community of diabetes bloggers–I like to connect through hope. Over the past year since I started this blog, the DOC has been a great source of connection and inspiration to me. There is a community of hope here that helps me get through the tough moments, and it is essential to me.

Quite often, I want to tell diabetes to fuck right off. Don’t we all? Sometimes, the heaviness of this illness sinks into my brain and all I can think is, “….what the fuck? what the fuck?!”

In these moments, I take a deep breath and think of a quote by the brilliant writer, Cheryl Strayed:

“The fuck is your life. Answer it.” 

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This post is part of Day 2 of Diabetes Blog Week. Today’s topic was “Keep It To Yourself.”

(Also I’d like to apologize to my parents and grandparents and any of their friends who are reading this and appalled at how many times I said ‘Fuck.’ Also sorry I said it again just now.) 

18 Comments

  1. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 12:22 pm

    I fucking love this post! “There is a community of hope here that helps me get through the tough moments, and it is essential to me.” Perfection. x

  2. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 1:22 pm

    oh my god I love this post! You’ve nailed it!

  3. Avatar
    TSB
    May 12, 2015 / 1:33 pm

    Lately, I’ve been telling myself, “Fuck, I’m one lucky fucker to have this diabetes thing hanging around all the time. It’s awesome to have a constant companion to experience life’s adventures. Sure, a functioning panc would have been ideal from a size, weight, and location perspective, but hauling this 1-ton shadow around is just fucking silly wonderful. Most folks don’t have this opportunity, yet now that I think about it, Type-1 and I have experienced some pretty fantastic shit together. We watched the birth of a child, the excitement of that baby’s first steps and her singing the most adorable “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” rendition during a snow squall just last December. So, Hey diabetes, let’s get along a little better, we’ve got to ‘Bro-Up’ now that we’re permanent life-mates, you little fucker.”

    Loved the post. Great to hear some frustration and even better to get some insight on how to look/live past it.

  4. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 1:37 pm

    Fuck yeah! I love this, and total caffeine props your way for the flurry of F. Same here: the trick is finding that balance between the “I Fucking Own You, Diabetes” and “You’re Fucking Killing Me, Smalls” when it comes to D. Always a thing.

  5. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 2:02 pm

    I’ve always feel a bit better after I say “Fuck diabetes.” Does that find a cure or make our lives easier? Hell no. But I feel like I get some frustration out and find a bit of relief (even if it’s just in that moment). It’s not something I say all the time because as you said, “I feel a lot better when I focus on the hope rather than the despair.” But sometimes we just have to say “Fuck you diabetes.”

  6. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 2:27 pm

    You know how I feel about curse words. (I am a fan.) Great post.

  7. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 3:05 pm

    I cannot tell you how happy I am that I found this blog!

  8. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 7:32 pm

    Fuck yeah (I curse a lot though.. it does feel good).

  9. Avatar
    kristen
    May 12, 2015 / 8:56 pm

    this is perfection.

  10. Avatar May 12, 2015 / 9:27 pm

    I discovered your blog thanks to #DBlogWeek and am glad I did. What a beautiful post! While I wish I said “fuck diabetes” less often than I do, I am a big believer in staying positive and surrounding yourself with support.

  11. Avatar May 13, 2015 / 2:04 am

    So good. So good. So good. X a trillion. I haven’t been to your blog before and omgoodness it is so dang pretty!! Your writing style is phenomenal. You said everything right. Thank you.

  12. Avatar May 13, 2015 / 4:54 am

    I fucking love this. Happy to have discovered you thanks to Diabetes Blog Week!

  13. Avatar May 13, 2015 / 5:37 am

    I completely agree that negativity does not help life with diabetes. But most of the time, when I say “fuck diabetes” I’m thinking, “Fuck you and the idea that you are going to stop me from living my life.” That to me is empowering. Not so much “fuck this, I’m ignoring it.” But I suppose that’s just the idea!

  14. Avatar May 14, 2015 / 2:48 am

    A-fucking-men. 🙂

  15. Avatar May 14, 2015 / 10:50 pm

    Great post! I think the empathy cards are great, too!

  16. Avatar May 17, 2015 / 1:59 pm

    YES!!!

  17. Avatar
    elisabeth
    October 8, 2015 / 5:14 pm

    I appreciate finding your post while googling “Fuck diabetes” because that’s how I felt this morning, and sometimes a lot of days. I am sad and mad and I say fuck diabetes and get on with my beautiful life with it.

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